A regular menu, Please

I ran across a list of restaurants that offer senior dining deals. Woo-hoo! Who doesn’t want to be included in that deal?! (Sarcastically stated.)

I know there are some ‘seniors’ who love the discounts. I know there are some who proudly wear their age like an earned medal. I get that, and I agree. It is indeed earned.

I fully believe I will get there. But I’m not there yet.

I do not have a desire (that is an understatement) to walk into a restaurant and proclaim to everyone working there and all in line behind me that I am a senior and I want my discount! Uh, no thanks.

I prefer to live in a state of denial at this point. That, too, is a right of passage.

Here are a few of the listings:

McDonald’s: Discounts on coffee (Please let me pay $1.00, not .50)
Whataburger: Free drink with purchase of a meal (Whatatreat)
Wendy’s: Free coffee, depending on location (Apparently some locations don’t believe in humiliation, thank God.)
IHOP: 10% discount and a special menu for people aged 55 and over (What a joy to request that.)
Golden Corral: Offers a senior discount (Shocker)
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts: 10% off for 50+ (I’m hoping that means when you order 50+ doughnuts.)
Perkins Restaurant: Special “Fifty-Five Plus” menu (Yes, please – NOT!)
Uno Pizzeria: “Double-Nickel Club” (Oh, how cute.)
Sizzler: Offers “Honored Guest” menu for 60+ (Gee, do I feel special.)
Fazoli’s: “Club 62”, special senior menu items (Who doesn’t want to be a member of that prestigious club?)
Burger King: 10% discount on purchase (Great, that will help make clogging my arteries feel like a bargain.)

In previous blogs, I lamented the fact that I have occasionally been charged a ‘senior’ price automatically. No questions asked, no mandatory driver’s license proof, nothing but a “That will be 50 cents, ma’am.” In the words of the brilliant philosopher Stephanie Tanner, “How rude!”

To myself I am usually thinking “Did your mama not teach you better?”

There are some life rules that should always be minded. I will mention only two.

One, never brazenly assume that someone is a senior unless it is blatantly obvious that they are over age 85. Two, never ask a woman when her baby is due unless she is so large in the belly there is no other possible explanation.

If you are a ‘senior’ and into discounts, knock yourself out. You now have a good reference point of where to begin.

For myself, I am going to stay in “Da Nile” and sail along in my full-priced boat. Yes, there is a higher cost for going that way, but the price for accepting senior discounts is quite costly, as well.



Rainy day and Monday, to boot (K.C., may you be enjoying a sunny, heavenly day.) Needed my second cup of coffee en route to another meeting. McDonald’s drive-thru. I order the coffee: “I’ll have a small coffee with two creams.” My standard order. The voice through the box said “Okay, that will be sixty cents.” Hmm…I had already counted out my one dollar’s worth of change from the collection that accumulates on Mike’s nightstand. I took away forty cents of it and handed it over to the man at the window. But I had to know why. So I asked: “Why did you charge me only sixty cents for coffee?” “Because I gave you the senior price” he replied. My next question “Can you see me when I order?” He said no. And the questioning continued: “Then how do you know to give me a senior price for coffee?” “Well”, he said, “I am 50 years old and I thought your voice sounded like you were also 50, or older.”

Okay, hold the phone, or the microphone or whatever fits here. My next question: “So you can tell a person’s age from their voice?” His response “Usually.” All of this is going on when there are five cars behind me awaiting their Big Mac value meals.

This left me in deep thought.

If voice is the age give-away, then Miley Cyrus and Mila Kunis should be paying sixty cents when they order their small coffee with two creams.

And in that same vein, I will begin practicing my best Didi Conn or Mindy Kaling or Ariel voice.

Newsflash restaurants: Do not assume someone’s age by voice, or even by face, for that matter.

A rainy Monday with too many assumptions ended with a lovely dinner with five dear women who are my true sisters in Christ. We laugh together and cry together and break bread together. We show our pretty sides and our ugly sides. We love unconditionally. I am extremely grateful for them every day, but especially on the days when the world tells me I am too old to order a regular priced coffee.



The Price of Coffee

September came in like a lion, perhaps it will go out as a lamb. I know that is an adage for March but it certainly fit today’s weather. It was blustery and gray with side-ways rain that pelts your face like needles. By 2:00, I needed a cup of coffee. My first choice is always McDonald’s for my brew. Seeing none in sight, I pulled into a Dunkin’ Donuts. Their coffee is good, too. I walked in and met the smile of a 35ish year old guy. I ordered my coffee and he put the price in the register, then gazed up at me and lingered on my face for just a moment. But in that moment he deduced that I was old enough and changed the price in the register to a senior cost. Ouch. I called him out on it. I said “You charged me a senior price, didn’t you?”He smiled sheepishly and said “Naw, I just wanted to give you a good price.” Right. He was very sweet but he surmised that I was indeed a senior. Which I am. Good Lord, how did I get here? How much I would prefer to pay full price for all things.